Self Help For Singles
For some people, saying “no” is easy.  “No.”  They do it just like that.  It’s only two letters, how hard can it really be to say.  “No.”  If you’re anything like me, though, saying that word can be really difficult at times.  If you’re a generous person, how can you say it?  If you’re one of those people who loves pleasing everyone else, how can you say it?  If you don’t want to disappoint, how can you say it?  Well, “no” is a very important word, one of the most important in a couple’s vocabulary, believe it or not, and though it shouldn’t be overused, it does need to be inserted into the daily dialogue, when appropriate

The word “no” suggests an end, or in some cases not even a beginning.  It follows the same path as the words “can’t” or “won’t.”  When said to another person, it means you don’t want to participate or you do not agree.  You are against that notion.  Pretty strong stuff from just a two-letter word.  Even stronger is what it can help build when used on a daily basis.

“No” sets boundaries.  It lets your partner know what you do and do not agree with.  Overuse of the word “no” can be intimidating, of course.  Though, silencing your “no” voice can be dangerous and misleading.  It is important that you and your partner know where the boundaries are.  When are you comfortable, and when are you uncomfortable?  What upsets you, and what are you unwilling to discuss or participate in?  What should never be brought up in conversation, and what just needs to be postponed until a more appropriate time?

When you say “no” you’re taking a stance.  You are saying how you feel about something, or someone.  Now, it could be as simple as “no, I don’t want to go to the gym with you today.  I’m tired.”  Simple enough.  You’ve expressed your disinterest in going to the gym, and have even provided information as to why you feel that way.  However, what if you said “no” to the gym every single day.  At some point your partner would, no doubt, stop inviting you to go.  Clearly it isn’t something that you want to do, and from experience, it doesn’t seem to be like anything you’ll ever be interested in doing.  It becomes a part of who you are, in the mind of your partner.  It is a building block that shapes your character, as far as your partner perceives you.  Of course, something like going to the gym can be relatively insignificant in most cases.  Unless you are a super devoted gym-rat, this shouldn’t be a reason to break things off.  What about those situations when “no” is more important, though?

How many couples out there have ever thought about getting married?  Nothing serious, just maybe the conversation was brought up once or twice.  Of course, I would imagine, the answer is – most couples.  It is common.  You are in love, you want to be together, so you talk about getting married.  What happens when one person regularly ignores these conversations though?  What sort of a stance is that person making?  It can be unclear, or misleading.  Are they uninterested?  Are they apprehensive?  Are they looking to postpone this conversation until later times?  In instances like this, “no” can be a scary word to use.  If you feel strongly about it though, you owe it to your partner to say those two little letters.  Leading them on is just cruel.  Still, how can you look into the eyes of someone who loves you and say “no, I do not want to marry you.”

Ahhh, love – how it complicates things.  I guess the moral of the story is, use “no” when appropriate, but understand that a “yes” can make all the difference in the world to some people.  Don’t change who you are, but understand the feelings and beliefs of others.  Oh, and as always – “Happy Dating!”

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