Dating Advice For Men
You don’t choose who you fall in love with.  Things just happen.  You might never in a million years think that you’d fall for a particular type of person, but that may just be because you’ve never met the ‘right’ person for you.  Love comes in all different shapes, sizes and styles.  What works for you may not work for someone else and vice versa.  It’s all about finding the ‘right’ person at the ‘right’ time. 

Dating a single mother can be a scary notion.  “What am I getting myself into?” you may be asking yourself.  “Am I really ready to take on this type of a relationship?”  Well, these are just a few of the very serious and very important questions you need to consider before getting involved with a woman who has a child.  If you aren’t mentally and/or emotionally prepared for a relationship like that – things can blow up in your face … big time. 

When you enter into a relationship (any relationship), you are essentially entering into a non-verbal agreement.  You’re agreeing to be a part of a team.  You’re agreeing to step-in, when your partner needs help.  You’re agreeing to work together, for the greater good.  Some people need more help than others.  Some people bring more to a relationship than others.  In the case of a single mother, there is a lot that they may be bringing - you need to be 100% certain that you are prepared to handle it.

The danger, of course, is letting yourself swim too far into the deep end before making the ultimate decision to stay or go.  Leading a woman on is never a wise decision anyway, but especially for a woman who has a child to take care of, leading her on is especially inappropriate.

Still, despite every warning in the world, you can’t predetermine who you fall in love with.  So, if you find yourself thrust into this type of relationship there are a few things you need to keep in mind before going too far or getting too serious.

First, you need to know what type of relationship the mother and child have with the father.  What type of person is he?  Is he around?  Is he a deadbeat?  Is he the jealous type?  Maybe he’s a nice guy.  Maybe he remarried, but remains a devoted father.  Regardless, it is important for you to know the role that this guy plays in the woman’s life.  You can ascertain this information in a number of ways, but the best way is to let it come organically.  Wait until the woman is ready to share the information with you, as opposed to jumping the gun and asking for it yourself.  Be careful not to get too involved however without having this information first.  It is best to know upfront, as opposed to waiting until you’re in too deep.

Second, you need to decide whether or not the woman is looking for a boyfriend, a husband or just a father.  Single mothers have it rough.  Regardless of the reason why, the fact remains that they are left to raise a child on their own.  It can be exhausting, both emotionally and physically.  It can also be very lonely.  Depending on the circumstance, the woman may miss the comfort of a man’s touch or the security she used to feel when she was married/dating her child’s father.  On the other hand, there is always the possibility that the woman is, for the most part, uninterested in dating or being with another man, but does wish to have a father figure in her son/daughter’s life.  It is important for you to figure out if this is the case or not, and then decide whether or not you feel like you’re the best man for the job.

Lastly, and possibly most importantly, you need to take into consideration the feelings and emotions of the child.  Growing up in a divided household can be especially challenging.  “Why aren’t my parents still in love with each other?”  “Why is my home life so much different than any of my friends’?”  “Is it something that I did?”  Of course it isn’t ever the child’s fault, but it can be difficult for them to understand this at times.  What you need to do is put yourself in their shoes from time to time.  How do you think they feel when someone dates their mother? How would it make you feel?  With that in mind, it is important to be upfront and truthful about your intentions.  Only interested in dating and having fun?  Well, you need to make sure that you’re upfront and clear about that.  I doubt the child or mother wants a new guy around every few months, only to up and leave a short while later.

So, the moral of the story is: you can’t control love but you can do your best to control heartbreak.  Be smart about a relationship like this.  Don’t be selfish, be understanding.  Don’t think with your body, think with your brain.  Be certain you are prepared to handle what your partner brings to the table before it is too late.  Now, I’m not suggesting it is wise to never fall in love – on the contrary – but rather keep other’s emotions in mind when doing so else risk heartbreak and drama … the two scariest words in Stella’s dating dictionary.

Good luck … and Happy Dating!

Copyright © 2010-2015 by Stella Singles LLC. All rights reserved.


By Stella Belmar

Comments

SolonCountryGirl
Good article. Before entering into a relationship with children, it's good to date 'in private' first and give the relationship time to flourish before you introduce the partner to the children. Like mentioned above, the children shouldn't be introduced to someone who is just going to leave a few months later.
Mar 21st 2015
 





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