Life Advice For All
I often hear married people say about singles: “He’s lucky, he has all the freedom he wants” or “It’s so much easier for singles since they don’t have to split up their income” or “Enjoy it while you can – when you’re married, it’s all over.”

This is not only a very grim way of looking at things, but also completely erroneous.

Let’s bust this myth once and for all: IT IS MUCH HARDER TO BE SINGLE THAN TO BE MARRIED.

Of course, if you believe that living a ‘careless’, self-focused life where you only care about YOU is the top, then by all means, why are you married? That’s what I would say to any married person who dares to throw those things at singles.

Being single is not all it’s raved up to be.  And most of the statements above that married people wholeheartedly believe and repeat, are plain wrong.

Here is the Top 10 list why it’s not all rosy in a single person’s life (and if couples could actually think outside the box and understand it, it would make for a much more balanced, and pleasant, life for all):


1.       Loneliness


The biggest challenge for a single person is that more often than not he or she is alone a lot and lonely. Sure, she can go out and network and mingle and have hobbies etc. to meet other people. But how many times per week do you want to do this?

Married people don’t realize that they always have someone to come home to (unless they are traveling, which is usually rare). They can talk about things, help each other, run errands for each other – you name it.

When a person is by himself, he relies only on his actions to fill up his time or to get something done or fixed. Imagine being in this position day in day out.

And when it comes to holidays and Valentine ’s Day, it’s a whole other depressing moment for singles. No one wants to be alone on the holidays, yet, I know A LOT of singles that end up being just that – alone. It’s really sad and I wish people around would take greater notice of this.


2.       Expensiveness


To the contrary of what many people thing, being on your own is really expensive. You practically pay the same amount of money for rent, utilities, food, furniture, cleaning, Internet, phone, cable etc. as those who live with someone.

And you only have 1 salary!

I don’t care what someone says when they say “my wife isn’t working, so we just have one salary too.” The wife could be working! And in times of economic crisis, I saw, fortunately, many non-working wives getting a job to help support the family when husbands were struggling or got laid off.

Guess what happens with a single person when he or she gets laid off? There is NO ONE who can go work for him or her. Where is the money going to come from? It doesn’t look like married people took this into account either.


3.       Social Life


I don’t know if many married people realize this or not, but single people, and especially women, are nearly completely excluded from the social circles of couples and families.

Plenty of stories abound where newly divorced women all of a sudden completely get excluded from the circles they were in when they were married. Sad, isn’t it?

Why is that? Well, it looks like those women really get the double whammy: the wives of those couples become jealous and feel threatened when a woman is single, and to top it off, the husbands are afraid to show any kind of ‘friendship’ towards these single women out of fear that the wives will be mad. How silly is that!

Single men have an easier time. It seems that they get invited more easily in any kind of social circle. But even then, when you’re single, you constantly need to network and meet new friends, just to make sure you have some sort of social life. It can get tiring after a while.

It’s time the society stopped this silent discrimination. When people get married, they get showered with gifts and attention. Single people don’t get the same treatment there either. People need to be more aware of others, have more compassion and empathy. And not be so insecure!


4.       Gifts


As briefly mentioned above, single people receive way fewer gifts than their married counterparts. When you think of bachelorette parties, wedding showers, baby showers, children’s birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s day etc., can you name one of those celebrations where singles will get a gift?

None! Nada! That’s why we need to celebrate the singles’ day, which is on November 11 (11/11 – all singles, get it?)!

That’s also why married people need to take this into account and be extra generous with their single friends. Invite them over, let them be part of what you’re celebrating, the boat outing you’re organizing or that BBQ!


5.       Sex


Married people oh-so enviously tend to exclaim that singles have it so much better because they can have plenty of sex, all the time.

Surprise, surprise – studies have shown that’s actually not true!

Couples greatly benefit from being able to have a partner in their bed every night and to have as much sex as they want, especially on a regular basis.

Same studies show that single people don’t have as much sex as the society perceives them to have. As a matter of fact, many singles can go months, if not years, without sex, because they have not been able to find a romantically or sexually compatible partner. And finding those partners is not that easy, whether for love or sex! And it also costs money to always go out and spend more and more on dates. Let alone the energy, both physically and emotionally, that it takes.

I don’t think many couples realize that. Or maybe they’re gladly pretending not to know.


6.      Health


Studies show that married people live healthier and longer lives. First off, having regular sex is healthy, whether it be blood pressure, working off calories or getting a boost of serotonin or any of those other chemicals in the brain that literally make you happier - and healthier.

Second, you get the benefit of more regular meals, workout sessions, trips or vacations where you can rest and recover from everyday stresses. A single person may not have the budget or the desire to always travel alone if he or she would like to go on vacation. And it helps to have a partner that can motivate you to run or work out.


7.       Time


When you’re single, you have pressures that married people don’t have. For example, you need to groom yourself more than average to be attractive to the opposite sex. And this takes time and money.

It can also be draining to always force yourself to go out or network or go on gazillions of online dates to find your partner. This leaves much less time to focus on things that you could if this type of search was out of the equation. You could cook healthier food, exercise more often, grow your business etc.


8.       Happiness and Stability


Sure, I understand marriages have their own challenges. But when a single person is not single by choice, but because he or she hasn’t been able to find the right partner, it really takes the toll on you.

You miss out on a lot of fun things that couples and families do: vacations, celebrations, invitations and on and on.

When you’re single, life seems to be a constant state of transition while you’re never arriving at the destination. Believe me, it’s not a nice feeling to have.

This ‘variety’ that married people seem to see in a single’s life is plainly non-existent. People also need stability. It’s one thing to be able to go out on a spur’s notice. It’s another to never having a moment when you can just rely on your partner for company, support, presence or help.


9.       Practicality


When you’re single, you have no one to help you with practical tasks. Sure, you may be able to enlist friends here and there. But it’s not as regular as people think and you always seem to have to look to find those nice souls.

Whether it’s fixing a garbage disposal, taking out trash, repairing a car, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, dog sitting or driving each other to the airport – there clearly are a lot of things that a couple can help each other on, while it always presents a challenge for a single person.


10.   Respect


Married people seem to get more respect, especially at work. They also seem to always have more reasons to ‘skip out’, whether it be for their child or their spouse etc. Singles are expected to work more and cannot come up with excuses as to why they need to leave early or arrive late at work. Try explaining to your boss why you need to stay home because your dog is sick!

Also, women tend to be taken advantage of when people know there is no man that stands behind them or who can defend them. This goes from harassment to respect in the business world to respect in the society in general. Sad story!

 

Conclusion: I have just stated some blunt facts about being single. While some of these are pretty sad, the point is for people to be aware of this and to next time really think why you’re not inviting your single friend to your party of couples or to ask if he or she needs some help in some area.

Good luck to all singles in the world! Please (discreetly) show or forward this article to your married friends to make them aware. I’m sure not all of them really realize this!

Happy Dating!

Copyright © 2010-2015 by Stella Singles LLC. All rights reserved.

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