Mandyyem
Aug 7th 2011
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I'm in love with my best friend of eight years. Need serious advise :)
My friend Brian and I have been best friends since high school. Eight years later, even though we now live in different states, remain really good friends. We talk on the phone/text almost every week and see each other twice a year, if not more. We have so much in common, we talk about almost everything, but it wasn't until last October when I drove to North Carolina for a wedding and stayed with him, (there has never been any sexual physical contact), that I realized I really was in love with him. Maybe I always have been, but I never wanted to risk our friendship if he didn't feel the same. I dream about him at night, and he's always on my mind. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced with the opposite sex. I'm not sure what to do with our specific situation. I've tried to tell him without being too direct and scare him, he has responded well, I just don't think he gets it. Maybe he does, he still calls me and texts, almost more than before. I'm going to see him soon and not sure.
6 Answers - Answer by Mandyyem

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Girl, I know exactly how you feel. I'm a bit in the same situation as well and I don't really know how to handle it. I did send out indirect hints and my friend just ignored them, though I could tell he understood what I was saying. Finally, I just told him straight out. I said that we know each other and talk to each other like couples do and that it would be a shame not to be together as a couple since we're so comfortable with each other. It seemed that it warmed him up but I'm still not sure where it's going. I think that guys sometimes just block things out and unless it happens naturally, they are not capable of making a real effort and just go for it. Maybe you should try getting a little closer to him physically. Sometimes that will open up the flow. Maybe he's scared himself. You just need to take it one step at a time and really see if you both can get on the same page. If not, you can always say that you'll ALWAYS be friends, but you'd like to try for something more.

honesty. always best policy. If ya'll are close friends, she'll be cool even if she isn't in love with you the same way you are with her. You need to know, you'll be kicking yourself if you don't make a move. nothing drastic, just tell her how you feel.

Yeah, that can be tricky to get physical. Maybe start a more intimate conversation and then move it from there? From what you're saying, it sounds like he may have feelings for you too if he's complementing you - so he's attracted as well - which helps. You could joke back when he says omething like that and throw in some sexual innuendo in there as well. Then see how he reacts. That way you're not being overly aggressive.

Thanks for the advise.@ Sophie: How would I get closer to him physically without coming on too strong or seeming needy? He does compliment me often when he sees me..( like a girlfriend would.. ie, "you look really good! I love your hair that way..." etc.. (at times I've thought he was maybe gay even..) We've slept in the same bed quite a few times and nothing ever happened..(which is OK) I think I'm a pretty attractive person..and he's attractive as well.. So how do I get out of the "Friend Zone" without being too aggressive??

I think that generally in adulthood, guys won't run away or ignore you if a girl has feelings for them. You two have been friends a long time, he probably has deep feelings for you on some level. Let him know how you feel, it may be the moment he's been waiting for. If not, and if your friendship doesn't make it through, at least you live in different places so you'll have a chance to heal and move on.

You two have been friends for so long! I think a good, solid friendship like that can handle you telling him the truth. If he isn't on the same page he will probably tell you and you two will probably remain friends. Why miss the opportunity? It could be a fairy tale in the making... =)

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